I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
