i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
