we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
