i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
