The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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