According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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