just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
dude. I can hear the air.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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