how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
