I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
