my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
