I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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