Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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