I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
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He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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