shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize