i think my mom watched the whole time
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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