my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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