he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize