"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
