My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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