She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize