Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
