Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
