I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
