I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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