So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
