i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
