i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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