Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
