After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
