if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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