my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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