im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
