i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
