You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
