you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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