You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Randomize
