It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
