Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
