is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
