remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
