Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
