I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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