Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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