Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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