I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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