Please, let me fuck your mom
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
