my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
