why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
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med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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