Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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