my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
