Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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