I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
