Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
is wine microwaveable?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
