My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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