just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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