Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
