she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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